TSITS: The Unsolicited "Reply-All" Email

Ah yes, the mass email. You know how it goes.

"Oh hey guys, sorry to email all of you but I just got a new phone, can you send me your number?"

"Hey I'm moving on Saturday, are any of you around to help me move?"

"I'm throwing a surprise party for Mitch Michaelson on Saturday, can you make it?"

I mean look at those emails, they are just ripe for the unsolicited reply all response, which is seriously the shit.

Now in all fairness, I should say that this is directed at personal emails and not work email. Work email is a different beast due to the sheer volume of work emails. But even then, and especially when it is clear that the person reply'ing all to a work email has no grasp of technology, they can be humorous.

OK, let's take a look at the mass email that undoubtedly commands a reply-all response. It usually consists of an absurd collection of email addressees, I mean have you ever taken a look at who is on these email lists? It's a hilarious smattering of work addresses - trevorbradley@marketingconsultants.net family addresses - grandpajoe@netscape.com - siblings AnGeLpRiNcEsS@hotmail.com random email addresses RGATE@friendster.com and blatantly old addresses rkitson@hamilton.edu.

Moreover, the mass email is always trivial. Want to know why it's always trivial? How many mass emails start with some variation of, "Hey sorry to send a mass email, but ..."? First of all, you aren't sorry. Second of all as a recipient of this email you have cordially invited anyone to take advantage of their one responsibility - and that responsibility is seriously the shit - the unsolicited reply all email response.

Any time I get a mass email (of any size really) I take it upon myself to reply all with some average comment. I can't tell you the number of times I've been at a party with some people that I am just meeting and I get the comment, "Oh, so you're Paxton, the one who always replies to emails." Actually, I can, two or three times, but at any rate, boom, ice broken, friend made.

Now you may be asking yourself, how do I compose a reply-all email? Well looking at the examples I provided above I would go with something along the lines of: 1) I would give out the work number of a friend who is also on the address list 2) Something involving BAILOUT 3) YouTube clip from "Point Break" Are any of those particularly funny? Absolutely not, but the important thing is that I replied all, that shit is seriously the shit.

So take advantage of your First Amendment rights (READ THE BILL) and throw a little reply-all response into your next mass email, people will appreciate your average response and you don't want to be friends with the type of people who get upset with reply-all emails anyway.

TSITS: Frank's Red Hot

Know what I'm going to do after I finish writing this thing? That's right, I'm going to put on a sweatshirt and shorts and the same slippers I've had since (second) 9th grade and make a pot of coffee and a pan of eggs and literally destroy this hangover. Want to know what I'm going to do after that? I'm going to draw a bath. A bath of Frank's Red Hot for my eggs.

Now I struggled a bit with this post because I didn't want TSITS to get into advertising, but Frank's is just too damn good not to include it. Frank's is seriously the shit. Here's why it's the shit, Frank's has all the spice, swagger and kick I expect from any self respecting red liquid. But, it's unique taste elevates Frank's above the riff raff. Frank's is hot, but it complements your food, not obliterates into inedible mess that is more akin to a post-2012 nuclear wasteland. Tabasco sauce and the like is just hot, it doesn't add to the taste of the food it just throws some generic "hot" onto whatever it comes into contact with - thanks but no thanks. Frank's on the other hand gives you the heat you need but also simply tastes good on anything - Eggs? Check. Sandwiches? Check. Burgers? Check. Nachos? Check. A glass of Frank's Red Hot? Check. Oatmeal? Check. Salad? Check. Hell, it even tastes good plain.

So settle into your day, but make sure to throw a bit of Frank's on top first, you won't regret it. It is for it's confidence in how hot it is, it's multi-flavor taste and ability to improve everything it comes into contact with that Frank's Red Hot is the type of shit that is the shit.

TSITS: Wikipedia

TSITS scenario time: You're in a jam. You need some data fast. But where to get it? If only I knew the state tree of Wyoming! Where can I find this information? A state website? Please, I need that beta post haste, I don't have time to wade through typical government red tape and bureaucracy. If only there was a place for me to go where I could find that info as well as Genesis' catalogue, the history of the Jeep Grand Cherokee, the definition of comma splice and a biography of Ron Popeil.

Well friends, you are in luck because such a place exists and let me assure you that it's the shit. That place? Wikipedia. Say it with me now, BAILOUT!

My first run in with the Wiki was junior year of college, well before I knew that it was not academically appropriate/necessary to cite Wiki in papers - typical east coast liberal elitists just judging me from their ivory towers - I was scrambling to prepare for a test on a book that I hadn't exactly read. So I needed some definitions stat. Once I exhausted the books index I went to the googles and one site kept coming up in my search results and answering all of my questions. You got it, Wikipedia. I was hooked.

I mean seriously this place has it all. It is perfect for the curious individual to learn about stuff. I'm not talking about heavy brain lifting, just some basic online book learnin'. Now I know people can edit the articles as they see fit and that if you really want to learn something you should read a book or whatever. But the Wiki is perfect for that head scratcher that you can't solve. It's also a great time waster. I love just getting lost in Wiki and checking out mid-90's hockey player bios, random company history and of course checking to see if someone has written an article about me. I'll give you a hint: Not yet.

A friend of mine loves Wiki. She loves it so much that she actually donates to keep it running. While I don't share her generosity, I share her respect for it. It's the site that the internet was made for - a catch all information dump where people can go to one off and get their information free of charge. What else could you ask for? The answer is nothing, but if you do think of something, look it up in Wiki, I bet you'll find your answer.

For it's endless source of information, entertainment and fun that Wikipedia is the shit that is the shit.

TSITS: Average Beer

Did you know that Portland, Oregon has the most micro-breweries per capita in the US? Have you ever seen what appears to be a bottle of wine but instead is some crazy beer from the Czech Republic that cost $45? Ever offer to grab some beers and have one of your friends request a beer that was extra hoppy and not know what that means?

Welcome to the world of micro-brews. Now, please leave. Why? Because this isn't called "That shit isn't the shit" this is called "That shit is the shit" and you know what's the shit? Average beers.

Let's be clear here, I'm not against micro-brews, I like them, they make you feel good by supporting some little guy in a brewery on either the
Northeast or Northwest coast who looks like Geppetto bikes to work buys wind energy and is just passionate about his craft blah blah blah.

Good for you (GFY), and I hate to kill the buzz from your 17 different varieties of barely, but average beers are the shit. Miller High Life is, obviously, my favorite. Why? I don't know. I just know that I can buy a six pack for less than $5 take it home sit down and drink one, four or six of them and have myself a nice little night. Or I could go buy a case of Coors Original, "The Banquet Beer" and bring them over to a friends, dump them into a kiddie pool of ice and settle in for a nice long pretension free night.

Why else are average beers the shit? Quite simply, they have to work to stick out from the pack. So what do they do? They put in superfluous technology and that is also the shit. Like color changing mountains - just in case you lose your sense of touch you can rely upon the rockies turning blue to warn you that you are about to crack open a nice cold one. Disaster averted, "Christ, to think I was about to have luke warm Coors Light? Thank the Gods for these blue mountains." Or take the vortex bottle, which seems to be just a bunch of grooves on the inside of the bottle. This is designed to make the beer pour smoother - which we all know has been a long standing problem with Miller Light. "Damnit, my Miller Light is all foamy. We can put a man on the moon but we can't get my ML to pour smoothly? Is there no justice in this world?" Those are the technological advances that are seriously the shit.

I'll always remember being in college and friend's parents coming to visit and laughing at our 30 racks of Keystone Light. "How do you guys even drink that stuff?" they'd ask. I just figured that no longer drinking cheap beer would be a right of passage as you get older, like backhair. But you know what? I still love seeing 'stones in the fridge, and still like sitting down with the old reliable blue can and putting on the Pearl Jam DVD now as much as I did then.

So it's for their full bodied flavor that always fills you up and never lets you down that average beers are seriously the shit.

TSITS: The Lake House

Ahh, water-based vacation properties. Is anything more upper middle class (aside from your hybrid SUV, grass fed burgers and closet full of technical outerwear)? While one could argue that both salty and non-salty forms of water-based vacation properties are the shit, it is the lake house that is truly the shit.

Beaches are great, I mean who doesn't love the sound of waves? But there is something about the lake and lake house that is seriously the shit. Whether its the calm that the water provides, the abundance of docks for sitting, drinking, pretending to fish and paddling (your choice on what order to put those into) or the views of the lake and surrounding mountains, the lake house is seriously the shit.

I mean just look at that photo. Seriously look at it. When I look at that photo, The Band's "The Night They Drove Ole Dixie Down" comes into my mind. Why? I don't know, but I bet that song would sound awesome being played over some speakers at that lake house. Just look at that porch, that awesome furniture, which was undoubedly collected from the forest and built by someone with "Tangible Skills", that support beam created with those huge field stones, the log cabin style architecture, the fact that the place probably smells old and slightly musty and, God willing, the only available shower is located outside. TSITS! Let's do some relaxing.

Still not convinced? Allow me to set the stage for you. You are in the mountains, sitting on a porch not unlike the one pictured above, the sun is out, the grill is hot and the lake is luke. You have a bunch of beers a bunch of food and a bunch of compatriots. You sit down in a chair made from fallen branches (I mean seriously), sip your beer and take a look across the lake towards the mountains. Should I go for a hike? Should I go for a swim? Should I paddle across the lake for no real reason? Should I continue to sit here and fall asleep? Or not fall asleep? Am I seriously asking these questions? At any rate, I dare you not to relax. See, impossible.

So, the others can have their Hamptons, their Miami, their Vineyard, their Jersey Shore, their Redneck Riviera, their SoCal, their Caribbean - just leave me with a nice rustic lake house, a dock, a grill, a refrigerator full of beers, some friends, clear nights and some goddamn silence. Join me, won't you? Now that shit is the shit.

TSITS: Playoff Beards

Bill Guerin, now that guy is the shit.

You know what's the shit? Oh you don't? Well then I'll tell you. Beards. As I like to say, "Chest hair is for college, back hair is for the young professional." Yet facial hair trumps it all. Who remembers not shaving in high school? You know, getting that peach fuzz popping off? Thinking you look old and badass when in reality you looked like an albino pedophile.

The seed, however, was planted: facial hair is awesome. How else can an abundance of body hair become a fashion accessory? A defining characteristic? A way to make you look older? Or cover up the proof of your family's unfortunately shallow gene pool?

But, beards are increasingly in danger of jumping the shark or "nuking the fridge" (Hoffman, Willis, 2009). Their ability to be the shit is in danger by their sheer popularity. Could their success be their ultimate downfall - not unlike the ancient city of El Dorado? But, there is still one type of beard that is and forever will be the shit. You want to know what it is? You certainly have a lot of questions, but fine, I'll tell you: The Playoff beard.

Why just take a look at the handsome 39 year old gentleman above. With his name on the Cup twice, me thinks he knows a thing or two about playoff beards. A little salt and pepper please - and why not? Also notice the stitches, damnitalltohell thats awesome. More importantly, look at that facial coverage, it's full but not bushy, groomed but not manicured, serious but not Bon Iver. Playoff beards are seriously the shit.

But why are they the shit? The answer is pretty simple. They represent a male bonding ritual, a shared symbol of camaraderie, of brotherhood, of sacrifice, of hard work and of success. So the sheer fact that you are in the position to grow one is awesome. Moreover, everyone on the team, no matter how crappy or spotty their facial hair comes in - I'm looking at you Sid - at least tries to grow the beard and that is a a great tradition. Add to that the guys who spend the season clean shaved and then all of sudden look like chia pets come April, I mean that is awesome.

So it is for their ability to rally the troops, build unity, look seriously badass and just be an awesome tradition that playoff beards are the shit.

TSITS: Tangible Skills

There he is. The King of Tangible Skills.

This post will likely be revisited in future posts, but you know what is the shit? Tangible skills. You know, like actually having the skill to do something of value. I, like all guys, have always known that knowing how to do stuff well - aka a skill - is even cooler when it has some sort of value to society at large - aka tangible.

I got to thinking about this due to a number of things. First, I learned to snowboard last year. Not only is it awesome and fun, but it quickly dawned on me that part of the reason I liked it so much was because it was literally the first tangible skill that I learned since probably elementary school. Damn that's sad.

Second, with thanks to the Mayan's we all know that the world is going to end in 2012. See my twitter feed as we single handedly get #2012Apocalypse to start trending. But as I discussed this with a friend, we both kinda realized that when the world ends in 2012 we will be pretty useless to our own survival let alone the heavy task of repopulating an utterly destroyed planet Earth. "Hey Everyone! Tough apocalypse. How are we going to get through this? Oh what skills do I have? Well I used to be certified in CPR and I know how to snowboard and I was a golf caddie growing up." Yeah, I'd probably be the bait as those with tangible skills hunted wolves and bear in an effort to survive.

Third, I went to a liberal arts college aka where tangible skills go to die. The summer after I graduated I worked a job (let's be serious, it was an internship at a Land Trust) that required me to use woodworking skills. Now I took a woodworking class senior year of high school and made a rather nice coffee table that I still have (Read: It didn't fall apart) so I thought that I would be fine. All too quickly I realized that I sucked at even basic things, like using an electric drill to drive some screws. An ELECTRIC drill. Plus, I can't even remember if its called a drill or not. Talk about emasculating. But hey, I can write an argumentative essay on political theory and the environment. Oh, that won't help us build a bridge across a stream? OK, well, I'll go bring some 2x4's over then.

Now, think about things that are popular right now and how much skill they take. Facebook, this blog, the Real Housewives of (Insert Metropolitan Area Here), using your smartphone. Total talent required: Pulse.

Our collective lack of tangible skills are now plainly visible. Why do people like to cook all of the sudden?Why are people voluntarily growing their own food? Why do we watch shows about fixing up houses? I mean seriously, look at the programing on Discovery or the History Channel: Ice Road Truckers, Tougher in Alaska, Deadliest Catch, Swamp Loggers, Dirty Jobs. You know what all of the jobs on those shows require? Thats right, Tangible Skills. Thats why people like them. So, in other words, Tangible Skills are the shit. No one wants to watch a show called "Office Based New Media Specialists" or "Communicating: The Real Life of Public Realtions Experts".

So while it does not matter what your tangible skill is, as long as you have one. And for those of you who know that tangible skills are the type of shit that is the shit, and actually possess some tangible skills. Well, here's to you. Maybe you can teach me some of those skills.

It is for the importance and relative scarcity of tangible skills that they are the shit.

TSITS: "Commando"

Ahhh look at this cover! This shit is the shit! "Somewhere, Somehow, Someone's Going to Pay!" What does that even mean? Who cares? Thats awesome. Also the vest. Let's see, tons of pockets and a grenade and what is either the handle of a sick hunting knife or the top of a bottle of Bud Heavy. This shit is the shit.

First apologies for the second DVD based post, but you what movie is the shit? Commando. Schwarzenegger, Rae Dawn Chong and like 10 year old Alyssa Milano. This movie is seriously the shit.

While many may argue that any/all of Schwarzenegger's movies are undoubtedly the shit (and I would largely agree), Commando is most deserving of the title, the shit. I think that "The Running Man" is actually Arnold's highest quality movie - a classic sci-fi flick in my opinion, and that the Conan's are the best for sheer absurdity, but Commando tops all of them. Want to know why? Here's why.

- Look at that poster. Also look at that vest

- The beginning: Oh Arnold and child Alyssa Milano live in the northern California forest. Suddenly someone's managed to steal child Alyssa Milano. She does a good job of fighting but is ultimately unsuccessful. Arnold chases, literally driving down the side of the mountain in a Ford Bronco. Excellent start.

- The sheer number of murders committed. My freshman year roommate claimed that he counted over 226 kills by Arnold. Alone. Awesome.

- Arnold chasing down a plane (you gotta see that)

- The one liners. A classic Arnold flick feature but there are some gems - "Don't bother my friend. He's dead tired." "Let off some steam." and of course the crown jewel "You know how I said that I was going to kill you last? I. Lied." There are so many more.

- The villian: Some Australian guy who is overweight and dressed in what appears to be a combination of chain mail and S&M gear. Respect.

I could go on forever about this movie, it is seriously the shit. So absurd. So good. This is a perfect movie to watch with your buddies (No Gurlz Allow'd sign on the door) and a 30 rack of Keystones. Maybe do a push up contest afterwards or try to count all the unique weapons or the absurd feats of strength Arnold does throughout the film. But at any rate, this film is seriously the shit. Go rent it, or ideally buy it. You won't be disappointed.

For it's absurd murders, child stars, one liners and weapons vest I bestow onto "Commando" the honor of being the type of shit that is the shit.

TSITS: Tangible Skills

TSITS: Queen Live at Wembley Stadium

You know what is the shit? Concert DVDs - the next best thing to an actual concert. I don't care what type of music you like, it's always better when you can throw a DVD in, sit down and drink a beer, pause the concert, grab another beer and not miss a beat. While I boast a handful of personal concert favorites, Queen's 1986 masterpiece Live at Wembley Stadium is the type of shit that is truly the shit.

I mean seriously, look at that shit. Just looking at that cover gets me pumped up. The yellow jacket, the drama, the voice, the microphone attached to a mic stand that looks like Freddie Mercury broke it in half over his knee. Just marching around the stage, that shit is the shit. Add to that the final song and costume and it is just unreal. The awesome nature of the DVD is only increased by the fact that Queen had the crowd eating out of their hands the entire concert. Check it out for yourself and see some of Great Britain's least attractive and most passionate Queen fans rocking out and singing along the entire time. Amazing.

It was said at an early summer BBQ that if you can't appreciate Queen's Live at Wembley, then you can't appreciate Rock and Roll music. That is certainly true in this case - even more so because the DVD combines lesser known Queen songs with the reliable singles a casual fan would like to hear. Therefore, it is for that reason, and many more, that Queen's Live at Wembley Stadium is the shit.

That Shit is the Shit

Such a simple phrase, but so much meaning. These simple five words (four if you omit duplicates) were not uttered by me, but by a sage like friend. I simply am the messenger. This forum will be devoted to shit, that is quite frankly the shit. Like the google supplied background implies, I will be searching the world over to find some shit that is the shit. Agree or disagree, but I can personally guarantee that everything on here will be the shit.