TSITS: Wikipedia

TSITS scenario time: You're in a jam. You need some data fast. But where to get it? If only I knew the state tree of Wyoming! Where can I find this information? A state website? Please, I need that beta post haste, I don't have time to wade through typical government red tape and bureaucracy. If only there was a place for me to go where I could find that info as well as Genesis' catalogue, the history of the Jeep Grand Cherokee, the definition of comma splice and a biography of Ron Popeil.

Well friends, you are in luck because such a place exists and let me assure you that it's the shit. That place? Wikipedia. Say it with me now, BAILOUT!

My first run in with the Wiki was junior year of college, well before I knew that it was not academically appropriate/necessary to cite Wiki in papers - typical east coast liberal elitists just judging me from their ivory towers - I was scrambling to prepare for a test on a book that I hadn't exactly read. So I needed some definitions stat. Once I exhausted the books index I went to the googles and one site kept coming up in my search results and answering all of my questions. You got it, Wikipedia. I was hooked.

I mean seriously this place has it all. It is perfect for the curious individual to learn about stuff. I'm not talking about heavy brain lifting, just some basic online book learnin'. Now I know people can edit the articles as they see fit and that if you really want to learn something you should read a book or whatever. But the Wiki is perfect for that head scratcher that you can't solve. It's also a great time waster. I love just getting lost in Wiki and checking out mid-90's hockey player bios, random company history and of course checking to see if someone has written an article about me. I'll give you a hint: Not yet.

A friend of mine loves Wiki. She loves it so much that she actually donates to keep it running. While I don't share her generosity, I share her respect for it. It's the site that the internet was made for - a catch all information dump where people can go to one off and get their information free of charge. What else could you ask for? The answer is nothing, but if you do think of something, look it up in Wiki, I bet you'll find your answer.

For it's endless source of information, entertainment and fun that Wikipedia is the shit that is the shit.

TSITS: Average Beer

Did you know that Portland, Oregon has the most micro-breweries per capita in the US? Have you ever seen what appears to be a bottle of wine but instead is some crazy beer from the Czech Republic that cost $45? Ever offer to grab some beers and have one of your friends request a beer that was extra hoppy and not know what that means?

Welcome to the world of micro-brews. Now, please leave. Why? Because this isn't called "That shit isn't the shit" this is called "That shit is the shit" and you know what's the shit? Average beers.

Let's be clear here, I'm not against micro-brews, I like them, they make you feel good by supporting some little guy in a brewery on either the
Northeast or Northwest coast who looks like Geppetto bikes to work buys wind energy and is just passionate about his craft blah blah blah.

Good for you (GFY), and I hate to kill the buzz from your 17 different varieties of barely, but average beers are the shit. Miller High Life is, obviously, my favorite. Why? I don't know. I just know that I can buy a six pack for less than $5 take it home sit down and drink one, four or six of them and have myself a nice little night. Or I could go buy a case of Coors Original, "The Banquet Beer" and bring them over to a friends, dump them into a kiddie pool of ice and settle in for a nice long pretension free night.

Why else are average beers the shit? Quite simply, they have to work to stick out from the pack. So what do they do? They put in superfluous technology and that is also the shit. Like color changing mountains - just in case you lose your sense of touch you can rely upon the rockies turning blue to warn you that you are about to crack open a nice cold one. Disaster averted, "Christ, to think I was about to have luke warm Coors Light? Thank the Gods for these blue mountains." Or take the vortex bottle, which seems to be just a bunch of grooves on the inside of the bottle. This is designed to make the beer pour smoother - which we all know has been a long standing problem with Miller Light. "Damnit, my Miller Light is all foamy. We can put a man on the moon but we can't get my ML to pour smoothly? Is there no justice in this world?" Those are the technological advances that are seriously the shit.

I'll always remember being in college and friend's parents coming to visit and laughing at our 30 racks of Keystone Light. "How do you guys even drink that stuff?" they'd ask. I just figured that no longer drinking cheap beer would be a right of passage as you get older, like backhair. But you know what? I still love seeing 'stones in the fridge, and still like sitting down with the old reliable blue can and putting on the Pearl Jam DVD now as much as I did then.

So it's for their full bodied flavor that always fills you up and never lets you down that average beers are seriously the shit.

TSITS: The Lake House

Ahh, water-based vacation properties. Is anything more upper middle class (aside from your hybrid SUV, grass fed burgers and closet full of technical outerwear)? While one could argue that both salty and non-salty forms of water-based vacation properties are the shit, it is the lake house that is truly the shit.

Beaches are great, I mean who doesn't love the sound of waves? But there is something about the lake and lake house that is seriously the shit. Whether its the calm that the water provides, the abundance of docks for sitting, drinking, pretending to fish and paddling (your choice on what order to put those into) or the views of the lake and surrounding mountains, the lake house is seriously the shit.

I mean just look at that photo. Seriously look at it. When I look at that photo, The Band's "The Night They Drove Ole Dixie Down" comes into my mind. Why? I don't know, but I bet that song would sound awesome being played over some speakers at that lake house. Just look at that porch, that awesome furniture, which was undoubedly collected from the forest and built by someone with "Tangible Skills", that support beam created with those huge field stones, the log cabin style architecture, the fact that the place probably smells old and slightly musty and, God willing, the only available shower is located outside. TSITS! Let's do some relaxing.

Still not convinced? Allow me to set the stage for you. You are in the mountains, sitting on a porch not unlike the one pictured above, the sun is out, the grill is hot and the lake is luke. You have a bunch of beers a bunch of food and a bunch of compatriots. You sit down in a chair made from fallen branches (I mean seriously), sip your beer and take a look across the lake towards the mountains. Should I go for a hike? Should I go for a swim? Should I paddle across the lake for no real reason? Should I continue to sit here and fall asleep? Or not fall asleep? Am I seriously asking these questions? At any rate, I dare you not to relax. See, impossible.

So, the others can have their Hamptons, their Miami, their Vineyard, their Jersey Shore, their Redneck Riviera, their SoCal, their Caribbean - just leave me with a nice rustic lake house, a dock, a grill, a refrigerator full of beers, some friends, clear nights and some goddamn silence. Join me, won't you? Now that shit is the shit.