Ahhh look at this cover! This shit is the shit! "Somewhere, Somehow, Someone's Going to Pay!" What does that even mean? Who cares? Thats awesome. Also the vest. Let's see, tons of pockets and a grenade and what is either the handle of a sick hunting knife or the top of a bottle of Bud Heavy. This shit is the shit.
First apologies for the second DVD based post, but you what movie is the shit? Commando. Schwarzenegger, Rae Dawn Chong and like 10 year old Alyssa Milano. This movie is seriously the shit.
While many may argue that any/all of Schwarzenegger's movies are undoubtedly the shit (and I would largely agree), Commando is most deserving of the title, the shit. I think that "The Running Man" is actually Arnold's highest quality movie - a classic sci-fi flick in my opinion, and that the Conan's are the best for sheer absurdity, but Commando tops all of them. Want to know why? Here's why.
- Look at that poster. Also look at that vest
- The beginning: Oh Arnold and child Alyssa Milano live in the northern California forest. Suddenly someone's managed to steal child Alyssa Milano. She does a good job of fighting but is ultimately unsuccessful. Arnold chases, literally driving down the side of the mountain in a Ford Bronco. Excellent start.
- The sheer number of murders committed. My freshman year roommate claimed that he counted over 226 kills by Arnold. Alone. Awesome.
- Arnold chasing down a plane (you gotta see that)
- The one liners. A classic Arnold flick feature but there are some gems - "Don't bother my friend. He's dead tired." "Let off some steam." and of course the crown jewel "You know how I said that I was going to kill you last? I. Lied." There are so many more.
- The villian: Some Australian guy who is overweight and dressed in what appears to be a combination of chain mail and S&M gear. Respect.
I could go on forever about this movie, it is seriously the shit. So absurd. So good. This is a perfect movie to watch with your buddies (No Gurlz Allow'd sign on the door) and a 30 rack of Keystones. Maybe do a push up contest afterwards or try to count all the unique weapons or the absurd feats of strength Arnold does throughout the film. But at any rate, this film is seriously the shit. Go rent it, or ideally buy it. You won't be disappointed.
For it's absurd murders, child stars, one liners and weapons vest I bestow onto "Commando" the honor of being the type of shit that is the shit.
Comprehensive analysis, Paxton. I'm not sure if the following is going to undermine the shittyness (shittiness? is this how this works? This blog needs a word bank.) of Commando, but I realized over the weekend that Commando actually is a remake of the 1976 Clint Eastwood masterpiece, The Outlaw Josey Wales. If anyone hasn't seen this movie, he must do so last weekend when I watched it. This movie is even more raw than Commando and I can't believe I just typed that. Some hyphen points:
ReplyDelete- Tagline: "...an army of one."
- First line of plot summary (also from IMDB): "A Missouri farmer joins a Confederate guerilla unit and winds up on the run from the Union soldiers who murdered his family."
- Murder: Unlike that roommate, I did not tally the dead, mostly because it took me the first half of the movie to realize I was witnessing Commando's Commando, but if there was a man alive in Kansas at the end, I didn't see him.
- Awkward, young, female love interest: check.
- Indjuns: check, check, check, check, including mention by name and discussion of unique tendencies and preferences of multiple tribes; land negotiation on horseback and becoming-of-blood-brothers-by-slicing-one's-palm-with-a-big-knife-and-gripping-hands-a-la-Predator (http://alancook.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/dylan-you-son-of-a-bitch.jpg); and an American Indian who calls himself an "injun" and apparently is played by an actual Indian.
- Civil War plus Western context: duh.
- Clint Eastwood.
The list goes on, but it should be clear by now that a) you must watch this movie, and b) this movie is at least as much the type of shit that is the shit as is Commando.
For a real life analogy, please see the video available here: http://deadsp.in/gy3XIj. Defenders play the role of Ahnold's slain enemies, and they cut the rest.
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